you will always miss me

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you will always miss me, I know that.

you will try to convince yourself this fire between us died

every time you think of me

but deep in the back, of those dusty corners of your heart

you will always know I miss you too

My lasting hope is that all this missing

will turn into a brave man learning to leave his heart supple

and be in love.

But I know fairytales don’t happen everyday….

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I felt every inch of him crash against my soul, my heart, my skin…over and over like a relentless child….Incapable of uttering his thoughts…his touch, his touch, could drown my soul at each and every sunset. A ocean, he is the calming, mysterious, ever alluring body of saltwater I can’t step out of. 

Rainy days

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…I love rainy days, its a incredibly calming beauty, the mind is surrounded in complete peace as if with each drop on my skin I am put a little more at ease. Sad? I suppose I’m okay with that too. am I not a lil more content in some of my saddest thoughts when I am sharing them with you? And you are just as sad and beautiful as this day. It’s almost as if my mind is allowed to wander free because you feel the rain the same as me

Getting older

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Part of me loves getting older. My understanding deepens. I can see what connects and put two and two together more frequently. You can integrate your past into your present. You start knowing what you want. You find yourself, begin doing things that make yourself happy. You can see the beauty in others a little more easily. You can feel and recognize connections with people. But the most rewarding part of growing older is growing closer to family and friends. Ones that really would drop a lot to here you cry about your messy life. I can’t fully describe with any combination of the 26 letters in the alphabet how beautiful it is to have some amazing people in your life. How important it is to have someone who understands the tears running down my face. How wonderful it is to have a person to laugh with and create memories with. Some of my friends are starting families and I love seeing them so happy when they find out their expecting or if it’s a girl or a boy. Co workers become your pain in the butt family. You see that mom and dad really did look out for you and not only that, they’re STILL looking out for you. Grandmas cooking is truly the best. And if you can find someone who wants to get to know all these important people in your life, then you are extremely blessed. Find and appreciate the amazing people in your life and rid yourself of the negativity and you might find that getting older isn’t all that terrible. I am so thankful for all the amazing people I have in my life who have surrounded me with love, words could never fully express that enough. This is what I’ve always wanted. Here is where I’ve always wanted to be.

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💕

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I have this incredible yearning for someone who’s been hurt, really truly hurt… Adore would never be a adequate word for the feeling I have for this kind of person. It gives them so much life! They feel and think so deeply after their journey thru immense pain…. It’s incredible what you can learn from these type of people if you listen… What you can feel with their touch… They’ve known defeat and struggle and they’ve been at the brink of a disastrous storm swirling inside them thrusting them to a place it’s difficult for anyone who hasn’t felt this way to understand….Ahh!! Passion consumes their entire life! Can I tell you how rare it is to find someone who can handle a incredibly low point without causing a larger storm ? So lets get tipsy and talk. Cry, laugh, scream what hurts you….let me in. It’s hard not to fall in love with someone who has once been in a very dark place… It’s hard not to feel something intense for someone who allows you to enter their heart, soul, and mind….truly.